Ah, the BEE GEES!
Or in the case of Cucumber Castle: the Bee Jeez! Or the Bea Geez! Or something besides THE BEE GEES! Robin isn't on this one, so The Bee Gees it isn't. Just look at Barry and Maurice on the cover. They look like they're about to take a group photo at the Renaissance Fair when Robin suddenly goes running off for the john and they're left standing there wondering why it's taking him so damn long! Turns out he had quite a revelation on the pot and split the scene with his own album to make (Robin's Reign) So, Maurice and Barry decided to take the damn picture anyway and get on with it just the two of them.
Was this a good idea? Do we miss Robin?
Of course we miss Robin. His nervous whine has always been a wonderful foil to Barry's stronger more masculine delivery. It's amazing how many key lines in mostly Barry carried songs were handed to Robin for sheer effect. So, yeah, it's a drag he isn't around, but who's really complaining when what we get is a truckload of truly awesome Barry leads. And I do mean awesome. No other singer (aside from Carl Wilson) can make the hairs strand up on the back of my neck quite like this guy. And I don't mean this in any homoerotic way. Or wait, maybe I do? Watching Barry's moves on the Gibb Brother's Top Of The Pops performance of "You Win Again" in 1988 is perhaps the most homoerotic thing I've ever seen. And this was OLD Barry. So, you can only imagine what a young, not quite so heavily bearded Barry can do to challenge one's sexuality circa 1969. If the first track on this platter doesn't wring a few tears, you might as well melt the puppy down to vinyl oar and use it to refinish your sofa or something. Barry sings about wishing he could keep him mind on anything else but you, and of course he can't. You listen to him wail about this problem and you wish you were there with him to lend some comfort. You know his beard will be scratchy and leave some marks, but you accept the circumstances fully. If this song doesn't kill you, they've got plenty more silver bullets to get the job done. By the time Barry's moaning about laying down and dying, you're screaming "No Barry! Please don't! Barbara Streisand will be even more insufferable without you"!.... This isn't to say there's not some goofy shit on this album as well. "The Lord" certainly qualifies, but it's catchy and fun all the same. "My Thing" is perhaps the creepiest song ever written about one's pet cat or goat or whatever the hell, but it remains a nifty left turn, and a chance to put your hankie away for a moment.
And what about Maurice?
His ragged but right musicianship is all over this album. Apparently the original Bee Gees band was on it's last legs here leaving Maurice to pretty much play everything but the drums. (Drummer Colin Peterson was fired and replaced during the recording) But who cares when Maurice has his mellotron cranked up and wobbling away to perfection?
Alas, the album was a complete bomb, struggling to gasp even a single breath on the charts while Robin scored a hit single ("Saved By The Bell") on his own.
Sooooooo, Robin's point was apparently well taken and he was back for the group's draggy next album "2 Years On". The Bee Gees wavered a bit for the next few years ("Trafalgar" being an exception) before coming back hard with 1975's "Main Course" and worldwide fame was to follow.
Cucumber Castle will forever remain an anomaly in the recorded annuls of Bee Gee awesomeness, but if you ever find yourself imagining a quiet night by the fire with you and Barry and a bottle of fine port: look no further!
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